new awareness

at some moment in one’s life one finds oneself aware of oneself and one’s life in such a way as to feel there is room or need for something more or different…but the only life one has experienced and one knows is the one that one has become aware of…it is not clear what exactly one needs…and it is not comfortable to feel that one needs something, something that is imprecise and unknown and could be one among many possibilities..one therefore also feels some anxiety about failing to recognize that new thing even if that thing were there and about mistaking something else for it and making an error…in short, experiencing life with some awareness brings with it the possibility of new and different experience/awareness and also the uncertainty and anxiety about losing what one currently has for the sake of something that one does not yet have and does not know anything about. it then becomes difficut for people to decide what they could possibly do in such a case and many decide to accept their limited awareness as their lot, feeling they do no thave the time or means to really go after something new and different even as they have some faint sense that they need a newer or different awareness about life and themselves. And my two cents about this situation are this: i think if i can grant or entertain that while i lack access to some better or different awareness about life, that awareness (or lets call it truth) already has access to me and has me in its fold or grip and has found me, then i can feel less anxious about being lost as i prepare to step beyond my current awareness/experience. instead of trying to place myself in a vaccum or keeping myself planted in my present awareness, i can begin my supposing myself in the embrace of a new truth, a truth that is nevertheless not available as experience/awareness to me just as yet…i do not think this starting point to be a dogmatic view but rather a view that helps form the conditions for me to feel able and ready to search out and attain newer and different awareness, understanding and becoming awarre of and finding the truths that i should realize have found me…