disconnect

found myself with a soul that aspires endlessly for something higher…for elevation..for liberation..for joy..from what it perceives lowly and small, unexciting, routine, boring. and the trouble has begun.

boiling an egg to eat, washing oneself and wearing clothes, cleaning the floor, buying fruit…walking on a street…performing some task in return for remuneration…when such things, and until they are, lowly small things, the soul seeks out higher things…things that involve others..that serve others and bring appreciation and validation (or some trouble even that one then finds more meaningful to overcome and fight) etc. but the disconnect the soul feels with the everyday remains, buried under activity that is assigned value because others assign value to it and thus one begins ones addiction to validation by others and the terror of others censure or negative judgment..and all sorts of drama that comes from a search for excitement that can suppress the drudgery of everyday existence..like boiling an egg..

i find the most potent and effective relief from this condition comes when i can experience and witness ultimate meaning and ultimate satisfaction in, for isntance, boiling an egg…until the boiling of an egg is a lowly activity that i see as a means of fulling some physical need and not as a means to fulfill the souls highest aspirations, i am in trouble and out of this trouble grow a thousand other troubles that eat me alive.