I can get disappointed by others, in others. Others can get dissappointed by me, in me. Neither is pleasing and so one’s soul has an inclination to avoid both as much as possible. I am terrorized by the actual (and possible) disappointment (and associated dislike) of others in/of me. I do much in life to please others, to ward off others’ censure and dislike and disappointment. Why would I not? And I try to withold judgment from others and try to not let myself be too disappointed and disdainful of others but often enough I find there is little I can do to escape such feelings, even as I may not express them or even acknowledge them. I find myself with the burden of liking something or being neutral towards something that I feel aversion towards. Why would I not feel burdened?
One way (not the only way!) out of this predicament is to have (or deliberate honestly about) reasons for being disappointed with something and reasons someone else can have for being disappointed with oneself (or one’s actions and ideas etc). If I am honest to myself, I can reason about what I do/hold/say and if I find those reasons better/stronger, better supported by what I think/reason should count as good evidence than the reasons someone has for being disappointed with me, the others’ disappointment no longer burdens or frightens me. I can bear the real or imagined dislike of others by a committment to honesty and reasons. If i do not reason about why I should or should not have the position I do, then my committment is baseless and brittle and this engenders great fear and anger towards anything that seems hostile to it. But if I allow myself to reason, things are different. I can regret that I must disappoint others but I am given the patience and strength to choose what is more reasonable and agreeable for the soul.
If i find better reasons in the others’ position, I could change my position not on the strength of my fear of others’ disappointment but on the strength of the reasons that my mind/soul recognizes as more valid. I can bear others’ disappointment
In all of this, I have to trust that there is a soul in me whose essential preference and disposition is honest, rightly responding to reasons, rightly objecting to what is unreasonable, able to discriminate between good and bad and oriented towards its good. If i think that my essential nature is deceptive and unable to discriminate between what is good and bad, what is its true benefit and what is its true harm, then i will be skeptical of what i find ‘reasonable’ and I’ll be skeptical of reasoning itself. The fact that I can find something right that I then, upon reasoning, find to be wrong and vice versa is not an argument against the value of reasoning and the value of accepting and rejecting things on the basis of reasons. It is an argument in favor of the value of continuous reasoning and reflection. I see something as ‘wrong then’ only if I trust my reasons to be ‘now right’. And what was ‘right then’ because of x y reasons can turn out, upon further reflection, to be wrong now.
At any rate, having reasons and a committment to such ends as have good reasons is a good way to deal with disappointments. Disappointments (my own and others’) become a means to reconsider my reasons and those of others’ and this reconsideration can be felt as a call to my maker to guide me and others to what is right/good for the soul/mind. Things that disappoint me (here lack of reason/wisdom), when they are signs, can reveal what is exalted and beloved for the soul.
Without turning to reasons and reasoning, I am likely to fear and resent being rejected/disliked by others (as if, for no reasons) and I am likely to be burdened by my disappointments with others (as if they should, for no good reasons, be/think like me).
The Quran as Revelation 