myself against myself

Culture as “its what we do, its how we do it, its how we have always done it” is an attractive refuge for a person who does not know and does not care about the truth of what she does and omits. Despair about truth (or just plain denial of one’s need for it) often manifests as an eagerness to embrace a collective, a “we”, of culturally approved/sanctified meanings that gives an air of respectability and integrity to the otherwise self-harming choice to ignore the search for, and suppress/mock, the heart’s yearning for truth. The ease of thoughtless imitation, potential for excellence and getting recognition from others who are similarly keen to perpetuate collective dogmas, sweetens the pain of not understanding any truths of the matter and nurtures a certain self-rightenousness about one’s own professed ‘agnosticism’ (“i am so humble and honest..i admit i dont know as opposed to these presumptious, holier-than-thou bigots who claim to know some ‘truth'”). A person with no interest in truth or sense of truth is powerfully driven to deny anyone else has any of it too. This democratic impulse (all have it or no one has it), is not problematic in its own right but is put to use against oneself when used to justify one’s war against one’s own heart. Yes, I think human beings are busy harming themselves because they are terrified of acknowledging that they are in need of truthful meaning (not any meaning) and they don’t yet have it or not as a living, effective force of joy and light anyway.