dying

soon shall the young and healthy find themselves weakened and old, forgetful and not of use to others as they may have been when young…we shall feel useless, a burden, needy, lonely, with ailments that never leave but progressively feel worse until we die. but much of the life we now know would already have died a slow, daily, painful death until then. we would not remain the strong, independent, funny, talkative, helpful people we think we are today. we won’t have others who depend on us. we won’t be needed. before we notice our own daily dying, we are pained by such dying in others we love – our parents or sublings or friends..the elderly. we see them cease to be the person they were – in not only their bodies but also temperament and thoughts and feelings – we see them weaken, we them more stubborn, more easily annoyed, less patient, less kind even, and so on.

if i am not living an eternal life starting now – if all that is beautiful and alive and beloved is not a sign of permanent and perfect beauty and life and perpetual beloveds, preserved and gathered with God who is giving them to me now, returning them to me now so that i expect everything returned to me permanently – then i must suffer my daily dying. If i live with awareness of the Living, i celebrate my dying and everything’s daily death as a sign that my life is not mine nor is it its own source…i see in it the face of the Living..i see in death, the face of the Living. My pain and despair with dying is intolerable until it is revealed to me that it is a sign glorifying the Living One, who wants and loves life for his creatures and does not want them to forget Him and take living things and life itself as their refuge and their beloved.

I don’t only have one life so that I should try to live it in the most fulfilling way. I have only One life-giver and two lives – one here in the lower realm where i am asked to see and hear the signs that witness and proclaim that there exists a higher, permanent, perfect life which my maker wants for me. And my refuge in this lower realm is awareness of Him and turning to Him and seeking His face in everything, especially including the irreducible pain i experience when i see my own and others’ daily dying.